Thistle Fox

✒️ Today:
I recieved a text message of a delivery. When I went to check there was a vase of flowers by the door. Chewy sent flowers. I have always had profile for Myles and Hope on Chewy.com. Seeing his profile made me incredibly sad each time I visited the site. Upon clicking on it, I saw there was an option to check off when your furbaby died. I didn’t expect them to do this… it brings tears to my eyes everytime I see the flowers. It’s a sweet gesture, and very appreciated as I have been using all of Myles life.

“We’re so sorry to hear of your loss of Myles.We know this time is tough. All of us here at Chewy are always here for you. Love, Your Chewy Family”

I miss you so much, Myles. I’ll love you and miss you always.

🌿Nicole

✒️ Today:
I’m a bit overwhelmed with my workload right now. There is a big, incredibly important review coming up on 07/08/2025. I’m drowning in to-do lists and reports, falling further and further behind.

Myles has been gone for over a week now. I picked up his ashes today. His urn is simple, made of wood with a small metal plate bearing his name, though it wasn’t attached. It rests in a soft blue velvet drawstring bag. A certificate of cremation, dated 06/23/2025, was included. His urn feels so light. I keep wishing I could hold him again, but all I have now is wood and ashes. His body has been reduced to almost nothing, and it’s hard to comprehend.

I still haven’t had time to let the reality of him being gone truly sink in. The pain and sorrow feel enormous, but my brain keeps searching for a mistake, some sign that he’s okay after all, that he’s still coming home to me.

I need time to rest, reflect, and grieve his loss. This is taking a toll on me.

I know his memories will always live on with me. Even when the day comes that I can accept he is truly gone, the pain of this loss will still carry weight in my heart. I may never get to hold my sweet boy again, but I will always carry his memory with me. It is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given.

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💭 Mood Today:
Overwhelmed. I want to get all my work done, I want to clean the room, I want my relationship to move forward, and I want Myles here with me.

🎮 Games / Progress:
I wasn’t able to make any progress in games today. I didn’t get home until 7:30 PM and couldn’t do any AFK skilling in OSRS while at work.

🌸 Self-Care Notes:
My supplements arrived today: a multivitamin and L-Tyrosine. I also got a new body wash and scrubber that I’m excited to try. However, my self-care was limited today. I didn’t get enough sleep and ate more junk food than I should have.

🌿Nicole

✒️Today:
I spent most of today in a kind of mental fog, knowing I have a lot of work to catch up on before Monday. I couldn’t motivate myself to get up and work even though I have a lot to do. It gave me anxiety, yet I still couldn’t do it.

Today marks one week since I rushed Myles to the ER and the first day off I’ve had since he died. I started the slow and painful process of beginning to let go of some of Myles’s belongings. I kept his very first two toys from when I adopted him in 2011. I chose to let go of the other toys that weren’t his baby toys, along with his brushes and food. Even though I know holding onto those things doesn’t bring him back, it still feels like a painful betrayal. I am trying to remind myself that letting go of these items is not betraying him or erasing his memory, but it is very hard to feel that way. There is still a long way to go before I fully sort through everything I don’t intend to keep.

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💭 Mood Today:
I had a strong mental fog and lack of focus. I felt anxious throughout the day as I knew I had work to do but lacked the energy or concentration for. I have anxiety over my relationship possibly ending and having to move out of our home. I felt grief over the loss of Myles.

🐾 Hope’s Footsteps:
Hope had a quiet day. The sky was overcast with light rain and thunder, so I didn’t want to take her outside since she’s afraid of storms and can’t get her ears wet. I also haven’t had a chance to clean out my car for rides yet.

🎮 Games / Progress:
I played OSRS today. I did my first four Slayer tasks today. I also organized my inventory. CJ patiently helped me with both.

🌸 Self-Care Notes:
My self care was fairly low today. I’m proud of myself for getting out of bed despite how I was feeling. I did not take medications or vitamins today. I did eat two meals and drank some water. I ordered more vitamins and some hygiene items.

🌿Nicole

Thanks for stopping by my new blog.  I will have content available soon.

I want a platform to share my lifestyle, hobbies, and passions with the world.  It would be an honour to meet other like-minded people, spark interest in others.  At the very least, I will have something to look back to. 

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